>N.B.

1 Apr

>Look, I don’t care who you are or how hard times are or how tough your neighborhood is; there’s just no excuse for having a bathyscape sphere heeled partially over in your front yard, the cables trailing over the shrubbery and raggedly hacked short, the hatch open and a trail of footsteps (or something) leading up onto your porch. It’s just not right.

(I should have taken a photograph. Maybe it’s not a bathysphere; maybe it’s an old Soviet re-entry capsule. But it hadn’t ought to be in the front yard, in front of a doghouse and next to an old truck up on blocks).

Update:They had moved it by Friday evening, and cleared away the cables. I was just able to snap an image as I sped by. Whatever arrived it in is in the house now.

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25 Responses to “>N.B.”

  1. Robin 1 April 2011 at 5:09 am #

    >I'm really wishing you had a photograph …

  2. New Jovian Thunderbolt 1 April 2011 at 5:09 am #

    >?~blink~~blink, blink~Rx? Have you been drinking?

  3. Old Windways 1 April 2011 at 5:16 am #

    >Sounds like the opening scene of a SciFi movie I would watch, or a short story worth reading.Seriously, what happened next?

  4. bob 1 April 2011 at 6:01 am #

    >Gentleman, I think that fevers back and its spiking…

  5. Rob K 1 April 2011 at 6:15 am #

    >I'm glad I'm not your neighbor! If you feel that way about that, I can't imagine how you'd feel about the stuff in my yard!:^)

  6. Jeffro 1 April 2011 at 6:52 am #

    >Sounds like a job for those American Pickers guys.

  7. Bubblehead Les. 1 April 2011 at 8:09 am #

    >You found my 'Scape! The police said the chances of me getting it back were slim when those punks stole it. Tell you what, you bring here to Cleveland and you'll get a $10.00 reward, okay?

  8. Hans 1 April 2011 at 8:22 am #

    >what is this i dont even

  9. Mr.Wolf. 1 April 2011 at 9:00 am #

    >The footprints are easy to explain. Professor Ransom walked through the house on his way to the nearest pub, where he said 'A pint of bitter, please.' Best wishes. Mr.Wolf.

  10. Anonymous 1 April 2011 at 9:07 am #

    >If this is supposed to be one of your stories, I have to say it's sub standard.Antibubba

  11. Mr.Wolf. 1 April 2011 at 2:44 pm #

    >Antibubba, it is the end of someone else's story. Checked the date, lately? Best Wishes, Mr. Wolf.

  12. Mr.Wolf. 1 April 2011 at 2:48 pm #

    >Miss X, I'm sorry. Please wipe this comment and my second one. Didn't mean to pull aside the curtain too early. Thoughtless of me. Best wishes, Mr.Wolf.

  13. Roberta X 1 April 2011 at 3:19 pm #

    >;) Ah, it runs to more levels than you might think: I'll try to take a photo today. The footprints will have dried and the cables may be coiled up — or stolen, it is indeed that kind of neighborhood. And I have no idea what the darned thing really is.

  14. Jim 1 April 2011 at 5:24 pm #

    >The PADI and NAUI in my soul force me to defend any bathysphere, any place, any time. Sorry, ma'am.

  15. Blast Hardcheese 1 April 2011 at 6:16 pm #

    >Reminds me of the Tom Waits song, "What's He Building in There?"…

  16. perlhaqr 1 April 2011 at 6:39 pm #

    >Look, I know it's improper, but since I had to close the shop down, I ended up moving all the machine tools into my living room… and I haven't had a gig since Dec of 2008!When these guys offered me the chance to do some work on their bathyscape, I jumped. Their krugerrands spend as good as anyone else's.And hey, it's in my yard, I'm not even leaving the cables strewn out into the street easement. It'll be gone in a couple weeks, and until then, if it offends yer sensibilities that much, just ignore it. I'll get the SEP field up shortly.

  17. Joanna 1 April 2011 at 7:23 pm #

    >The footprints are easy to explain.Professor Ransom walked through the house on his way to the nearest pub, where he said 'A pint of bitter, please.' Winner of the Internets, right there.

  18. Drang 1 April 2011 at 10:05 pm #

    >More scardey cats, installing a fallout shelter or one of them there new-fangled radiation-proof air filters?

  19. Anonymous 2 April 2011 at 4:00 am #

    >Mr. Wolf, Read it again, and put the emphasis on the second-to-last word.Cheers!Antibubba

  20. John A 2 April 2011 at 6:05 am #

    >Great for Hallowe'en. But Easter?

  21. Mr.Wolf. 2 April 2011 at 6:22 am #

    >Antibubba, as you can see by my other posts today, I forgot to fill my prescription for Clever Tablets. You see me exposed as a fool. And I was hoping to keep it a secret for at least a little longer. Curse you, wicked New Worlder !!! Best Wishes, Mr. Wolf.

  22. Roberta X 2 April 2011 at 7:40 am #

    >Oh, I thought you were clever, too, Mr. Wolf. Possibly my favorite book by the man.

  23. Anonymous 2 April 2011 at 9:36 am #

    >looks like the type of shipping crate they use for engines these days.

  24. Mr. Wolf 2 April 2011 at 10:01 am #

    >Dear Miss X. I do wish you had taken the photographic image previously. Upon seeing it, I drew back from the page with a gasp, as the house in question had a chilling familiarity. Last month, when the moon was waxing gibbous, my …. studies had driven any chance of sleep from me, and I found myself wandering the empty streets, my mind filled with strange images. A little after midnight, a horse-drawn cart passed me, the hunched, cloaked carter fighting to control the wild-eyed horses at every step. I flinched from the loathsome stench emanating from the bundle of tarpaulins concealing its cargo, and had to sit on a nearby bench to recover. When I had regained my equilibrium, the cart had vanished. My curiosity aroused, I traced its passage, following the small drops of glowing, sickening slime that marked its trail. Outside the house shown in your photographic reproduction, I was pulled unceremoniously into the bushes by a tall, pale man with a strong New England accent. 'Who the devil are you?'I demanded,'and what are you doing here?' He studied me for a moment, as one might study a scientific specimen. 'Not the devil,' he said.'But there are worse than devils here. Men sometimes call me…. Humphrey Littlewit. You can call me your last chance. As you value your sanity, man, GO, and never look back.' At that moment, all the dogs in the neighbourhood howled together, as if their very souls were being wrenched from their bodies, and the vile stench increased a hundred-fold. I turned and fled, and never looked back, dreading what I might see if I did. Miss X, I beg you, please do not return to that terrible place. For the good of your soul. I have the honour to remain, Madam, your obedient servant. Mr. Wolf.

  25. Justthisguy 2 April 2011 at 12:42 pm #

    >Obviously a crude attempt at an implosion-assembly nuke. Don't they know that all the cables to the detonators need to be of identical length?

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